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SUMMARY: A guide to leading a mindful and meaningful life based on the techniques of ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), a psychotherapy that focuses on leading a values-based life and being present in your day-to-day activities.
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FAVORITE QUOTE: "No matter how bad the situation you're in, no matter how much pain you may be suffering, start by taking a few breaths. If you're breathing, you know you're alive. And as long as you're alive, there's hope." - Chapter 20, page 144.
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THIS BOOK IS AWESOME. I'm generally very happy, cheerful, and optimistic; however, when faced with emotions on the opposite spectrum (anxiety, sadness, hopelessness), I give in to the emotion and allow it to completely consume me, for days, to the point where I am no longer able to function as a productive human being. This is a significant problem because I believe the purpose of life is to be productive and contribute to society in a positive manner, to the extent possible given your abilities and resources. If I'm unable to complete the activities that make me productive, I'm not living a purposeful life. Sometimes, my anxiety, sadness, etc. will be so overpowering that I'll stop eating, sleeping, and even communicating with the people I love, which is an even bigger problem! I also have the tendency to think that I will be happy when the next great goal is achieved, which means I'm constantly thinking about the future and rarely living in the present. Example: in high school, I just knew I wouldn't be happy until I was accepted into a reputable college. In college, I was waiting for a graduate school acceptance. In graduate school, I knew I'd be happy once I got into medical school. Surprisingly enough (not!), the happiness and serenity that came with my medical school acceptance quickly faded into, "I won't be happy until I've fallen in love and found a life partner who loves me with an equal fervor." It's a never ending cycle! Once I do find my love, I won't be happy until he and I are married. Then, until we buy a home. ETC. ETC. ETC. With so many things going for me in life, how is it that I'm always unsatisfied? In comes my brilliant sister, who knows a hell of a lot about psychotherapy (she's an LCSW, holds a PhD in social work, is faculty at a School of Social Work, and has 10+ years of experience under her belt), so don't take this book recommendation lightly. She's my go-to person when I'm not feeling emotionally well because she's able to respond in a constructive and effective manner. I told her my woes, even shed a few tears (which is exceedingly rare because I don't cry), and she ordered this book for me. This book has been life changing, even in this short span of time, and I can sincerely say I've never felt so liberated!
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Points of this book that I appreciate:
- Being human and having the human experience includes feeling the full spectrum of human emotions. You need to accept that you will feel all these emotions, even the uncomfortable ones, and learn how to work with your emotions in a productive and constructive manner. So... it's ok to feel [insert "negative" emotion here]! It's not a deficiency on your part! It's even healthy! And the author goes on to detail how you should react to "negative" emotions, which is incredibly helpful to someone like me who admittedly becomes taken-in by such emotions.
- There is no such thing as a "good" or "bad" emotion. Some emotions make us feel better than others, but, again, to be human you need to experience all emotions.
- You'll never be satisfied if you're only ever running after happiness. Happiness 100% of the time is not natural because emotions are fleeting, happiness included. If you're always striving to feel happy, then you'll also miss out on many opportunities because some experiences come with a level of discomfort and unhappiness.
- Your thoughts and memories are just words and pictures. Words and pictures do not define a person; actions do. You have to learn to not get caught up in your thoughts and memories because that is what takes us away from the present moment and into the past or future. By taking action, guided by your values, you'll not only feel satisfied because you are being productive, you'll also be more successful in living in the present.
- Rather than a goal-focused life, you should lead a values-focused life. Yes, having goals is important, but by leading a values-focused life, you'll enjoy the journey to the goal, rather than just feeling satisfied once the goal has been reached and unsatisfied while attempting to reach the goal.
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I could go on and on about this book. I really loved it, have started implementing it in my life, and have already recommended it to a few of my friends. Although this book has many great points, it does has a central theme: LIVE AND ACT ACCORDING TO YOUR VALUES. This will lead to a fulfilled life because your values are what define you as a person and are the points that matter to you. By acting according to your values, you are always doing something that is personally meaningful and important. And that is what life should be about: feeling fulfilled based on what you do, rather than just feeling happy. Happiness does not last; it is an emotion, and emotions are not permanent. But you can always feel fulfilled if you are doing actions in line with your values, no matter what emotion you are experiencing at that time. You cannot control your emotions, but you can control how you deal with emotions and you can definitely control your actions.
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Recommend? YES. If you're like me and don't feel satisfied with life when logically there seems to be no reason to be dissatisfied, then give this book a go! It's simple, and yet it has a great number of points that seem to have been overlooked in this age of self-help books and seminars. I'm truly thankful to my sister for introducing me to this new way of thinking, and I plan on re-reading this book, in case I missed a few good points.
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